By John Cirillo
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Sea Bright, NJ—Mother Mildred often told me that when someone makes an obnoxious, absurd or ridiculous comment, the best answer is…silence. It leaves the moron (my word, not hers) baffled, and often speechless! Call it IGNORE-IS-BLISS! The advice has served me well over the years.
But another response to asinine remarks that I’ve devised can elicit equally effective wonderment, but far less tactful than mom’s pearl, is this: “Did anyone ever tell you that you’re an a-hole?”
A double-take, what, huh, stammering is the expected, common reaction.
The Jersey shore line is miles long from north to south, and a long par four from the water to the start of the sand, east to west. So I’m taking the sun on this beautiful day, puffing on a beautiful Davidoff. A couple of guys nearby are smoking cigarettes, no one has a care in the world, lost in time.
An ugly dude, sort of resembling the Bill Murray character in Caddy Shack, complete with the ridiculous hat, walking the sand. He’s a trespasser because he can take any route but elects to pass the smokers. “Nasty,” he says loud enough for everyone in ear-shot to hear, waving the imaginary smoke away. A hater is in our midst, totally unnecessary. I wanted to chase after him and feed him the A-hole question, but stayed calm, and continued the sun-bathing.
Behind me, another pair of imbeciles are complaining about the weather. It’s a sun-drenched afternoon, 82-degrees, no humidity, slight breeze. What’s there to complain about? Later, one says “this beach was nicer when there were no life guards!” What?
What’s the time-honored proverb? Silence is Golden (attributed by some to the poet Thomas Carlisle). Yes, indeed. Or Abe Lincoln’s: Better to remain quiet and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Or as I like to say: “Constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth.”
Happy Fourth, everybody! Enjoy the beach!